Depression

Not a fun topic. Hell not a fun word yet it's what I feel like I'm going through. Most women yell post pardum. Yet I've felt this way sense I was pregnant I knew what I was getting into but I didn't expect the sleepless nights that have nothing to do with my newborn daughter and every thing to do with me. I know I'm depressed and most say oh that's 50% of the battle yet I don't feel half of it is won in fact I feel like I have that much father to go I feel more depressed sense I figured out I was depressed than before. It doesn't make sense but their it is. Who knows when it's going to I sure as hell don't but I'd sure like to :/. I try to stay positive for my daughter but it's hard I want to be happy for her but its hard. Their isn't much I can do but I'll plaster my smile on my face and go on like it's nothing like I've been doing for almost a year. We all get their eventually hopefully I will soon but who knows. All I know its half the battle to admit it but today doesn't seem like it. I'm depressed because I feel like I didn't enjoy my pregnancy hardly at all, losing my baby, feeling forgotten by most everyone. Who's really to blame them or me? Did I just pull back to where their was no friendship no family left? I don't know, I do know I miss it. I miss being happy.