Bad Ways

When people ask whats the worst thing thats ever happened to you, most will think about the boy/girl that got away, the fight with their mom, or even the fight with a loving family member before they died correct. Now ask an angel mom the same question and the answer will always be....... Losing my baby, planning my baby's future and never getting to put that plan in action. Now take these answers and think how would you tell a mother and father that they lost a child. How would you even approach the subject. Not many people know and not many people will take the time to think, how would it feel if i lost a child that i didnt know or even that one that I only knew for a short while. I went into the ER on March 27th 2011 (the life changer as I like to call it) for cramping on my right side. I was admitted shortly after and sat in a room with my husband and 4 people on the right side with curtains between us. As I was sitting their with my husband Thomas who was trying to convince me that it was anything else I was taken back for an ultrasound and I must add that the 3 hour ultrasound was the longest most painful 3 hours of my life. As the wheeled my bed back to my ER room (because of course you cant walk in the ER right?) I was thinking the worse they wouldn't let me see the baby or the baby's heartbeat so I was worried and upset thinking I was having a miscarriage. A while later the doctor comes in and starts saying that it  could be that I have appendicitis or it could be blood in my utures or it could be a baby in my tube. My thinking that the blood would be the best thing was shortly proven wrong. I was admitted to Maternity at 545 am and was told that my doctor would be in sometime to discuss my options. As I was waiting and waiting I was making myself sick thinking the worst. My doctor came in at 8 PM on March 28th 2011 and said that I needed surgery for appendicitis. So I was hopeful thinking that my child was good and safe still alive inside me. I was awake during half of my surgery. Half way through my surgery all of the machines started beeping and i started not feeling to good. I was forced under and came to in recovery knowing something else happened. This was when I had a dream of holding a son bathed in golden light and my grandmothers holding a baby that looked like it belonged on earth i didnt know at the time I was having a girl so I believe that that was my grandmothers holding my baby while I got to hold my son for the first and last time. I awoke in recovery asking about my child's health thinking that something happened to my baby. What happened next was horrible and wouldnt wish on anyone. I was told that the baby that was in my utures was fine but the thing in my tube didnt make it. Is that how you tell someone that their surivioring child's twin has passed or even that they lost a child that they didnt know about. I started screaming for my husband at that point not wanting to hear anymore unless it came out of his mouth. I needed it to come from him, I knew that he would be nicer to me telling me that everything would be ok and that we would get through this. Three days later getting the call from the doctor and getting the information that I had cancer in my appendix is also a life changer but that is also a story for another day. This is enough to chew on :)   Thank you have a good day for those who are still waiting for their rainbow babies I'll send some baby dust your way for those who already have rainbow baby I'll send you some hair color for the grays :) <3 https://www.facebook.com/GraphicsandVideosforeveryOccasion