This is a blog for me to talk about my son and my daughter, to speak of family, friends, life, love and sadness
Monday, March 5, 2012
Countdown
The count down till the day you left me has started I have 23 days till it has been one year. I'm honestly not looking forward to it. I lost the cupcake charming bought for you yesterday. And the keychain I have with your name and date is losing all it's oil. And I feel like my world is slowly falling apart. I miss you. I know I didn't hold you or kiss you. Hell I didn't even know I had two small people inside me and I hate that I now know the pain of losing some one so small someone who I didn't even know but loved so completely. Are you watching over us? Is it you your sister talks to? I don't know I do know that you need to look out for her and your momma and your daddy. We all miss you. I know you didn't stay long but the few weeks I had you I loved it. I would gladly go through my entire pregnancy again if it meant I could have you back. My life isn't the same, I'm not the same. I'm broken and ugly on the inside. But I put a happy face on for your dad and your sister she needs me. They both need me . I know that and I know that I need to be strong for them. But it's hard and tiring trying to be happy all the time. It used to be no big deal. I could smile with the best of them. And now I frown and hid and try not to stand out. I want to blend in so people won't see what I've become. A sad broken half a person human being. Man I sound sad and ridiculous and I know this but it's how I feel.
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